13 Critical Tips To Keep You Alive In Westeros!
News > 13 Critical Tips To Keep You Alive In Westeros!
Say you wake up and find yourself in wretched Westeros. How will you survive this horrifying land, where kings are murdered without a single hesitation? We got to you covered. You might think Bear Grylls has all the survival info, but we know better than him when it comes to Westeros!
PS: This article might contain spoilers if you haven’t seen the show.
1. Low profile; very low!
Whatever you do, do not be in the spotlight. Of course, the kings and queens are in the spotlight, but for example, if you go eat at an inn, eat quietly. Do NOT mess with the innkeeper’s wife or the innkeeper himself. Keep yourself in the shadows, and don’t make eye contact!
2. No bravery or heroism
Nope. Won’t do you any good. Look at Eddard, and what happened to him. As our beloved Eddard was trying to be a hero, they immediately chopped his head off while that smirking Joffrey stayed alive. You need to be very political at Westeros. Think about your survivability and put your fame aside.
3. Don’t count on your power
You will only fool yourself if you think you are strong and can beat all of your enemies. Sandor Clegane was such a powerful, skilled warrior, and what happened? Got fucked up by Brienne of Tarth. And what about the Mountain? Sinister Oberyn almost had him, but then he got cocky.
4. Don’t trust people
Hell, even in our normal world, you shouldn’t trust people. How the hell are you going to trust people in Westeros? DON’T TRUST ANYONE! Even your brother, your lifelong friend, father, mother. No one. In Westeros, friendship and loyalty don’t count. Keep that in mind, so you won’t feel shocked when people betray you.
5. No deals in Westeros
Do you think people stand behind their words? Don’t be silly! No one keeps their word in Westeros. All your verbal, or even written, agreements are just a fairy tale. Just when you think you got a deal going, instead of using ink for signature, they’ll use your own blood! Keep checking your back and don’t count on people.
6. Don’t trust your son, even if you have authority
If you think you’re all settled because of your authority, you’re mistaken. You never know who’ll show up and kill you when you’re taking a dump. If you have a lot of power in Westeros, know that you are at risk, and someone, even someone from your own blood, will come and kill you in the end!
7. No place for love
Do not fall in love. Either they will kill you or you’ll have to kill them. The best way to go is howe Tyrion did in the first seasons... Go see Baelish and sort yourself out. If you start a relationship, either your parents, or her parents, will come to play, and there will be a vicious battle!
8. Be inhumane, no room for mercy!
You thought you could live nice and happily if you become a righteous, democratic and equal leader? No one’s buying that shit. There is no law, no right, and no wrong in Westeros. You either kill or be killed. You don’t go freeing slaves and thinking everyone will adore and follow you. Those slaves will ambush your chambers and choke you to death while you’re sleeping!
9. Treat people accordingly
Look at Baelish and Varys. They've survived so many kings, knights and heroes. They are still alive, even though they don’t have much power. How? Because they don’t have emotions and they don’t care about your feelings. They go suck up to the king one moment, and then make fun of him with the soldiers to establish their safety on both sides. There is no honor, no loyalty. Give people what they deserve, and be ruthless.
10. Avoid certain spots
Say you’re at Kings’ Landing...why would you go see any dangerous locations? Or, what the fuck are you doing at the Wall, or in Meereen? Braavos is also dangerous, avoid it too. You need to be away from all the crowded, problematic places and live like an exile.
11. Don’t mess with a guy that has a nickname
Even if the title is “Mother of Dragons” or just “The Hound” or “Kingslayer” or even “Bastard,” DON’T mess with them. They don’t give away those titles for free. If you fool yourself into thinking the Hound is his nickname just because of his speed, you have ‘some’ trouble coming your way.
12. Don’t attend parties, weddings, or other big events
These types of events are perfect for mass murders. You won’t be spared in that bloodbath. All the killers, haters and evil people are there, and they will go nuts once shit hits the fan. Forget about eating quality food and enjoying a jolly feast... get out of there fast!
13. Don’t insist, ever!
Do not insist on anything, even if you know you are right. Look at Oberyn. He kept going on and on about his sister, and then what happened? Look at Tywin, he insisted on hating Tyrion so much that Tyrion murdered him in the end. Or Viserys Targaryen, if you don’t fancy a hot quicksilver bath, of course…