Not Happy With The Answers You Get? Let's Start Asking The Right Questions!


Asking questions is one of the dynamics that allows our mind to systematically think in a certain algorithmic order and to express ourselves. Whether we are aware or not, the logic of thinking with questions is very useful for us when expressing ourselves to the other side. 

Being able to ask as strong a question as possible is one of the most critical skills of effective communication. If the answers to the questions you ask don't satisfy you, perhaps you have not asked the right question!

I have a question for you, for example if I say, "Are you saying that you can not finish the project on time?" do you think this is a question?

Or are you trying to confirm what you have in your mind?

Asking questions is not about confirming what we have in our minds. That's precisely why the skill of asking questions is listening to our inner voice, taking notes, confirming what we understand, and agreeing. Our intention shouldn't be about imposing something on the other side but rather trying to understand him/her.

The researchers prove that our brain can understand 5 to 7 things in our short-term memory.

This means: We must talk briefly.

This is especially true when asking questions. "What do you think about making the performance system that we have not restructured in December last year more efficient?" Doesn't this make you tired even when you're just asking it? Why don't you try this, "How can system efficiency be achieved?"

Increasing the number of words in an expression is both tiring and often confusing. Effective communicators don't jabber.

They express themselves briefly and clearly and ask 3-4 worded questions.

When somebody says ''don't think of a red ball'' that's exactly what we think of. Because our brain works like a computer.

When we want to open a file in our computer, do we issue a command like "Open other files," or do we write the name of the file we want?

Same goes when asking questions. When a manager asks "Why are you late for work?" And we say, "My alarm didn't go off, I missed the bus. I had to drop my child to the school, etc ... ". Aren't these answers just excuses?

So, without realizing it, we ask the wrong questions that lead us to hear an excuse not an answer.

Do you think asking questions that'll be answered with excuses really makes us think in the real sense?

In our life, how many of us respond to a question like "Why did you do this?" with a reflex of thinking why we really did what we did? When asked the question "Why?" how many of us were really motivated when behavior change was concerned?

"Why did you do that?" -> It is a humble effort that is attached to the primitive brain that creates a feeling of judgment in the person, and unfortunately doesn't help much with communication.

Instead of the question "Why are you late to work?" The question "What can you do to come to work on time?" would take the perception to a whole new level. "What?" and "How?" questions are much more powerful question patterns.

In short, asking strong questions is similar to playing chess.

Moves made at the wrong time can easily make us lose the game. This is the case with asking questions.

For example, reporting and interviewing in journalism is a totally different subject. Successful interviewers know which question to ask and when to ask it.

A strong question provides the right data. The answers we receive from our inquiries should be useful to us and should take us to the next step.

When somebody says ''the project is not proceeding as desired,'' and somebody asks ''because of who?'' Now, what good will that answer do for us? It not only prevents us from moving to the next step but it also leads us to an unnecessary platform of communication.

However, when we ask, "What exactly is going on?" this will prepare us for our next responsibility.

Each and every unit of the world makes sense through our own perception filters and codes to our brains. For this reason, every message we receive is like a code that needs to be decrypted.

Powerful questions are one of the most powerful tools for decryption. Asking questions plays an effective role in the person's own thinking system as well as in communication.

As Einstein once said:

''If I had an hour to solve a problem and my life depended on the solution, I would spend the first 55 minutes determining the proper question to ask, for once I know the proper question, I could solve the problem in less than five minutes.''

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