And we are terrified.Source: https://www.buzzfeed.com/mikespohr/21par...
1. Keep a straight face. Keep straight.
Pediatrician: They're only getting two hours of screen time a day, right?— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) 5 мая 2017 г.
Me: HAHAHAHA! I mean, yes.
2. She needs a break.
I’m inventing a swaddle blanket for like 5 year olds. It’s basically a straight jacket, but with a friendly name like “The Tantrum Hug.”— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) 15 января 2018 г.
3. Lowering the expectations:
What I thought I would say as a parent:— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) 2 февраля 2017 г.
"You are going to change the world."
What I say as a parent:
"Stop licking the window."
We were in church and I pulled my toddler’s hand out of his pants and he screamed “I WAS MAKING MY PENIS BIG” and now I need a new church.— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) 15 декабря 2017 г.
5. Being a parent sounds amazing.
I spent 20 minutes, 20. Fucking. Minutes. Convincing my kid to wear a coat, but yeah, congrats on your pregnancy.— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) 25 октября 2017 г.
6. "Honey, there's no water. Oh, no. Please stop crying."
The 4 yr old is wandering the house in a life jacket, crying b/c it's clipped. He also cried when I unclipped it.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) 18 июля 2017 г.
We don't even own a boat.
7. Oh, the struggle.
I hate it when I go to hide out from my kids in the walk-in closet & my husband is already in there hiding out from me.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) 22 апреля 2014 г.
Parenting: When you get to wake up everyday thinking, "maybe today will be the day I die of exhaustion."— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) 29 апреля 2016 г.
9. No lies.
Becoming a parent is like playing a video game where you've skipped the tutorial & you're just running about with no idea how anything works— Jack's Dad (@DaddingAround) 21 марта 2017 г.
10. That doesn't sound so great.
Follow my crafty mommy blog for great projects such as Pile of Books in Corner and Wrinkled Mass of Unfolded Clothes in Other Corner.— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) 12 апреля 2017 г.
11. He is going to be big.
"TODAY I TELLED MY CLASS HOW SOMETIMES MY FARTS SMELL LIKE BURNT TOAST," said my son, the poster child for Teachers Don't Make Enough Money.— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) 10 мая 2017 г.
12. Sounds like a family fight in the making.
9: What are you going to be for Halloween dad?— Josh (@iwearaonesie) 14 октября 2014 г.
9: What's mom gonna be?
13. "A cute thing." Sure.
A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) 19 июля 2014 г.
I almost just said "Calm your tits" to my 3yo. Thanks, Twitter.— Wendy S. (@maughammom) 14 июня 2013 г.
16. The bank always wins, kiddo.
5-year-old: *walks up behind me when I'm on the computer* What game are you playing?— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) 17 июня 2017 г.
Me: Pay the bills.
5: Are you winning?
17. She's just trying to get through whichever day it is.
That awkward moment when your child looks to you for wisdom and you're like, "Honey, I don't even know what day of the week it is."— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) 14 ноября 2017 г.
18. I do that to myself.
I'm the kind of mom who burns one side of the grilled cheese, serves it to her kid with the non-burned side up, and crosses her fingers.— SpacedMom (@copymama) 26 мая 2017 г.
Heard my 7yo call my 5yo a dick & I told her it isn’t a word she can say & she asked if she can say it when she’s 15 & I said no & she asked if she can say it when she’s an adult & I said no & she asked if she can say it in jail & I said if she goes to jail then she can say dick— Ash (an female) ⚪️ (@adult_mom) 15 января 2018 г.
I hope people think my toddler has a slight English accent bc we're so cultured and not bc she's basically been raised by Peppa Pig— Sweatpants Cher 🔶 (@House_Feminist) 19 октября 2016 г.
Husband: So we've basically given up.— Mom Psychologist (@mompsychologist) 31 января 2017 г.
Me: On what?
H: *gestures to 4yo carefully piling spaghetti on his head*: Parenting.