16 Things People Living in A Haunted House Go Through


We still can’t figure out why, but most Americans insist on living in haunted, cursed, and evil houses. They will only stop hanging on to their houses if they actually die. Or you know, the house dies…

1. They never question why the house was sold for 1/3 of its normal price.

2. They never care that the old man next door came the first day to warn them.

3. The very first time they place the furniture, the couch moves on its own. Oh it’s probably the WIND! (WHAT?!)

4. It’s always "the dog" when they hear moaning, screams or weird noises in the middle of the night. It could never be a ghost.

5. They tend to believe it’s rust, not blood, that’s coming through the pipes.

6. Their kids slowly turn into zombies and all they ask is: “Is everything alright at school, hun?” Yeah, at school things are fine, but look at the god damn house, mom!

7. The weird ritual in the same corner of the kids’ room is always just a cute little play time activity.

8. The cauldron in the basement that's screaming DEMOOOOON, and burning hot, is just because the house is old.

9. Their pets disappear because they are dumb. Then why did you get that pet in the first place?

10. The bloody writings on the walls are just a ‘process’ they have to go through since it’s a new house.

11. As long as you set up a camera to avoid all the bruises and scratches, you’re all good!

12. Again, it’s the wind causing the swing in the back yard to go crazy and sing a song.

13. All the burnt dolls and dead animals around the neighborhood are just from the nasty kids around the area. (But there isn’t anyone in the area?!!!)

14. When the 7-year-old little boy says he has to kill them all because his imaginary friend tells him to, the parents are just as nuts, so they negotiate with the boy’s imaginary friend.

15. When they are having a bath and see a claw approaching, they just ignore and think it’s nothing.

16. And, when there’s something wrong in the house, it’s best to run into the deserted forest!


The whole household totally goes nuts, the father walks around with an ax, the kids are talking to their imaginary friends, and blood is coming from all the pipes, and you STILL stay in the house because it was a bargain. Are you fucking nuts?! Your wife calls you at work, saying “Come quick, something’s wrong with Justin!” and when you get home, Justin is standing in the corner all bruised and eyes burning red. You just think it’s a fever. Your kid is a freaking zombie and you still chase ghosts with a baseball bat at nights?! 

These idiots won’t leave the house unless someone is butchered by a machete killer, or lost in the woods. YOU IDIOTS! Why the hell are you still in that house after all the signs?! You look for something solid in the basement, and still freak out when there’s a sudden fire in the burner. Obviously, your house is haunted. Why won’t you just say "fuck it," and move on?! Is money worth more than your family’s safety? 

Don’t you know better than to set up a swing and put a trampoline in the backyard? If there are weird noises in the house, I’d move out the next day! Especially when your kid is a bloody vampire or a zombie! You STILL STILL think it might be some sort of a disease? I honestly won’t feel sorry if this moron dies. I just feel sorry for the innocent family. 

Quick! I heard something go boom in the basement. Grab your baseball bat and take a look. What a jerk!

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