An In-Depth Look At 12 Male Fairy Tale Characters
We know, we know. You’ll say you never looked at them this way, but give it a go. Here is an in-depth look at 12 male characters from famous fairy tales.
1. Snow White’s Prince
Ok, check this out. As Snow White’s mother was passing away, her step mother was throwing her out, she was surviving the huntsman her step mother sent, and staying with the 7 dwarves, her new life set up with dwarves was once again torn apart by her step mother, and this so called Prince was missing! He just shows up out of nowhere in the woods, kisses Snow White, resurrects her, and takes her away.
Seriously dude, who are you? Do they even get married at the end of the tale? How can the 7 dwarves believe in this guy? We think that it’s obvious this “Prince” works for Snow White’s step mother. We believe he resurrected Snow White with an antidote on his lips, gained the trust of the dwarves, and then took her to the dungeons at her step mother’s castle. While we believe the tale ended happily, Snow White might be rotting in a dungeon! We would like to out this Prince as an “Agent Provocateur!” Get the hell outta here pal, we’re not buying it!
2. Cinderella’s Prince
The perfect way of humiliating men in tales is displayed by the prince in Cinderella, written by the Grimm Brothers. This Prince is so freaking dumb that he can’t even recognize the girl he danced with whole night without her clothes. Obviously, the common shoe size for women is around 6-7, but this douche is going all around town, asking people with the size 9-10 to try to shoe on.
Even after getting married, we don’t think this guy treats Cinderella well. We think he would never give her the attention she deserves. I mean the guy couldn’t recognize Cinderella after spending 3 hours with her! We think Cinderella’s prince is a “Macho Douche”.
3. Sleeping Beauty’s Prince
Let’s say you found a castle in the middle of the woods, covered with bugs and leaves, torn apart and looking like a ruin. Again, let’s say you dare walk in, go from room to room (god knows for what purpose!), and now, you find this beautiful girl sleeping in a bed. What comes to your mind? What would be the first thing you do? We’re sure none of you responds with “I’d go and kiss her.” Because, the very first thing you’d do once you find someone in a ruined castle is to make sure they are alive and well.
But this guy just goes and kisses her all over. We don’t know what he was thinking or aiming for, but we surely know this Prince is a “Pervert!”
4. Rapunzel’s Prince
Oh such a prince this one is. Finding a 20 year-old girl who was trapped atop this tower since she was a baby, and thinking the only way to climb to her is with her HAIR? This guy is lazy, and clearly does not know you can’t treat a lady by climbing on her hair. We don’t believe that they got married and lived happily ever after. This guy can’t even ask Rapunzel to climb down using her hair but he climbs atop with all his armor and stuff. How can he treat Rapunzel properly?
All things put aside, you did manage to climb up, but how the hell did you both get down? We’re sorry, but Rapunzel’s Prince is a “Dork”.
5. The Huntsman in the Little Red Riding Hood
Obviously, you are mistaken if you think we’ll say nice things about this guy. After all, we are talking about a guy who rescued Little Red Riding Hood (LRRH) and her grandma from the wolf’s stomach. But is it really the case? If this tale ended with this rescue mission, we’d have congratulated him as well. But, what is up with filling the wolf with rocks and throwing it all the way down to the bottom of the well? Where on earth did he get this idea? Just leave the wolf - you killed it already. Why so violent? Just let the wolf die in peace, dude. Why bother carving it, filling it with rocks and throwing it away? What’s the matter with you?!
We think the huntsman in this tale is a true “Psycho.” He might have even eaten the grandmother after the tale ended!
6. Farmer’s little boy in the Puss in Boots
We really didn’t want to go over this guy, because let’s face it, what would it matter if a guy, who lets a freaking cat decide his future, become a marquise, a prince, or even a king? He can’t decide on his own, is always controlled by others and is so shallow. On top of all of these, he is led by a cat in some boots! This kid in Puss in Boots is a total “Motionless Fool.”
7. The Frog Prince
No one actually thought about what this frog had done to become a frog. We also don’t know how many young Princesses this frog charmed with this trick, but what we know is that this Frog Prince is sort of a pervert, like the Sleeping Beauty’s Prince. Why else would a witch turn him into a frog that can only return to his prince form by kissing?
If you ask us, the dark corners of the tale goes like this: This prince hit on the witch’s beautiful girl, tricked her by giving false promises, and then left after getting what he wanted. Then, the witch turned him into a frog. There is no other explanation. The Frog Prince, in short is a “True Casanova.”
8. Pinocchio
Don’t be fooled by Pinocchio and his father, Geppetto, hugging, and then the fairy turning him into a real boy. We’re pretty damn sure Pinocchio turned into a full blown teenager, who punches his dad to get more money, because he’s reckless, inconsistent, and believes in everything he hears. He forgets everything in seconds, starts smiling while crying, and, in short, is a weirdo. His problems will obviously grow as he gets older, and he’ll end up being a total punk after Geppetto passes away.
If that fairy won’t turn him back into wood, Pinocchio will end up hurting himself and others, for sure. Pinocchio is a Sociopath.
9. Hansel and Gratel’s Father
We've read lots of tales, and seen tons of villains, evil witches, and cruel step mothers. We've known lots of sneaky and sinister characters, but Hansel and Gretel's father tops all others, for sure! This sick “father” tries to leave his own kids all alone in the woods, every single day. If he fails, he keeps trying the next day, until the kids actually get back with piles of gold. Then, he turns into this really loving and caring dad figure. What a creep! What kind of a father does this, really? Looking into his second wife’s eyes, while trying to feed his own kids to the wolves in the forest; we are sure he has no heart.
Hansel and Gretel's father is a pure “Son of a… well, gun!” Just drop the gold and move away from the kids, you freak!
10. Aladdin
Maybe the most eccentric, most exotic being in the fairy tale world, is Aladdin. He never knows the potential he has, never uses the genie effectively, and in time, the things he owned ended up owning him. The pure, innocent, push-over Aladdin image is a complete lie. Aladdin is NOT a role model, for sure. He’s ignorant, irresponsible, and useless on top of everything else. We don’t want to bad mouth him any further, but the chances he got would never come our way, for sure.
Aladdin is a pure “Chump” that leads the chump competition by miles!
11. Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves
Ok, we know these are thugs, thieves and bad people. They steal your goods, leave you on the road, and hurt you. But then again, back in those days, who didn’t? Who treated others so nicely back then, that we expect these forty guys to act nicely? So, these guys are all pure evil, but the Ali Baba who steals their gold is the good guy and his brother Kasim is the bad guy, huh? We think Ali Baba is both a murderer and a thief in this tale. He stole all that gold, and caused his brother’s demise. Did he give away all this gold and help the miserable and poor? NO! So is it acceptable to live a good life stealing gold and causing your brother’s death?
In short, if the forty thieves are X evil, Ali Baba is 5X evil! The person we need to look at in this tale is actually Ali Baba and all his crimes. Ali Baba is a thief and a murderer!
12. The Beast from the Beauty and the Beast
Ok so you make ONE good guy in a fairy tale and he is a beast?! What is the matter with you people?!
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