I knew a guy who collected candy canes, they were all in mint condition.
I made a pun about the wind but it blows.
I want to be cremated as it is my last hope for a smoking hot body.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.
My dad unfortunately passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type. His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
My wife tried to apply at the post office but they wouldn’t letter. They said only mails work here.
Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.
Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever.
Never trust an atom, they make up everything!
Please don’t make my funeral too early. I’m not really a mourning person.
RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
Shopping centers, you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall.
Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos!
The Middle Ages were called the Dark Ages because there were too many knights.
The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two antennas got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.
What are windmills’ favorite genre of music? They’re big metal fans.
What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison.
What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back for seconds.
What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback.
What’s America’s favorite soda? Mini soda.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
Yesterday a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester.
Fair warning, though, just make sure to use these puns appropriately, otherwise you’ll face the cringeworthy reaction of your friends and they’ll surely mock you for life. And of course, ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango. 🤪