30 of the Best Two-Line Funny Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Most of the funniest two-line jokes you will find may sound a bit corny--but nevertheless, they'll tickle your funny bone and make you chuckle!

You can also use these short jokes to light up the mood or make dull conversations sound better. Whatever the reasons are, keep reading and we're sure you'll have a good laugh!

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.

A man goes to the zoo and the only animal there is one dog.

It is a shitzhu.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?

Because if they fell forward, they’d still be on the boat.

You’re not completely useless.

You can always serve as a bad example.

Two cannibals are eating a clown.

One looks at the other and asks, 'Does this taste funny to you?'

My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.

I said “40”

Q: What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

A: Outlaws are wanted.

And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.” 

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Recently took a poll. 

99% of people were annoyed when their tent fell down.

A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two finger and says,

“Five beers, please.”

Q: Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

A: They lactose.

Q: If love is grand, then what is a divorce?

A: About 100 grand.

Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay.

You have my Word.

Q: What’s a balloon's least favorite activity? 

A: A pop quiz!

My grandpa started five miles a day when he was 60.

Now he’s 97 years old and we have no idea where the hell he is.

Doctor: Bad news, you have terminal cancer and Alzheimer’s.

Patient: That’s not so bad, I could’ve had cancer!

I poured root beer in a square glass.

Now I just have beer.

Q: How is marriage different from most wars? 

A: You actually sleep with the enemy.

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor.

I don’t trust stairs. 

They’re always up to something.

What makes a good pizza joke?

It’s all in the delivery!

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan. 

What do you call a psychic little person who has escaped from prison? 

A small medium at large.

I broke my finger last week. 

On the other hand, I’m okay. 

Q: Why don’t eggs tell jokes? 

A: They’d crack each other up.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. 

She still isn’t talking to me.

I went to a really emotional wedding yesterday.

Even the cake was in tiers.

What happened when the strawberry crossed the road?

There was a traffic jam. 

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: 

You get what you deserve.

I’ve found a job helping a one-armed typist do capital letters.

It’s shift work.

Hope you had a good laugh! 'Til next time!