30 of the Best Two-Line Funny Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

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Most of the funniest two-line jokes you will find may sound a bit corny--but nevertheless, they'll tickle your funny bone and make you chuckle!

You can also use these short jokes to light up the mood or make dull conversations sound better. Whatever the reasons are, keep reading and we're sure you'll have a good laugh!

A Bit Too High

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.

Wrong Zoo

A man goes to the zoo and the only animal there is one dog.

It is a shitzhu.

Falling Backwards

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?

Because if they fell forward, they’d still be on the boat.

Bad Example

You’re not completely useless.

You can always serve as a bad example.

Funny Clown

Two cannibals are eating a clown.

One looks at the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Sheep Business

My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.

I said “40”

Obvious Difference

Q: What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

A: Outlaws are wanted.

And the Winner Is...

And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.” 

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Weird Voting

Recently took a poll. 

99% of people were annoyed when their tent fell down.

Being Roman

A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two finger and says,

“Five beers, please.”

Cow Hooves

Q: Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

A: They lactose.

How Much it Takes

Q: If love is grand, then what is a divorce?

A: About 100 grand.

Microsoft Theft

Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay.

You have my Word.

I Wouldn't Want That Either...

Q: What’s a balloon's least favorite activity? 

A: A pop quiz!

Where Could He Be?

My grandpa started five miles a day when he was 60.

Now he’s 97 years old and we have no idea where the hell he is.

Could've Been Worse

Doctor: Bad news, you have terminal cancer and Alzheimer’s.

Patient: That’s not so bad, I could’ve had cancer!

Simple Math

I poured root beer in a square glass.

Now I just have beer.

That's Hard!

Q: How is marriage different from most wars? 

A: You actually sleep with the enemy.

Might As Well Be Rich

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor.

Sketchy Stairs

I don’t trust stairs. 

They’re always up to something.

Pizza Delivery!

What makes a good pizza joke?

It’s all in the delivery!

Chicken Coop

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan. 

Interesting Escape

What do you call a psychic little person who has escaped from prison? 

A small medium at large.

I broke my finger last week. 

On the other hand, I’m okay. 

I Have Two Hands

Oh Those Eggs

Q: Why don’t eggs tell jokes? 

A: They’d crack each other up.

That's Why She's Quiet

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. 

She still isn’t talking to me.

That Made Me Cry

I went to a really emotional wedding yesterday.

Even the cake was in tiers.

That's Not "Berry" Nice

What happened when the strawberry crossed the road?

There was a traffic jam. 

What's Your Order?

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: 

You get what you deserve.

Graveyard Shift?

I’ve found a job helping a one-armed typist do capital letters.

It’s shift work.

Hope you had a good laugh! 'Til next time!

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