30+ Funny One-Liners That Will Certainly Make Your Friends Laugh
“In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.” — Rodney Dangerfield
• “Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life.” — Ed Byrne
• “Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long if you’re fat.” – Joe Lycett
• “My father drank so heavily, when he blew on the birthday cake he lit the candles.” — Les Dawson
• “My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue – completely pale, no arms.” – Phil Wang
• “People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’” – Bill Bailey
• “People who like trance music are very persistent. They don’t techno for an answer.” — Joel Dommett
• “Two fish in a tank. One says, ‘How do you drive this thing?'” — Peter Kay
• Among the things that are so simple even a child can operate them are parents.
• Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town? He was given a ticket for making a ewe turn.
• Every married person should forget their mistakes. There’s no point in two people remembering the same thing.
• How does the man in the moon get his hair cut? Eclipse it.
• I ate a clock yesterday, and it was very time-consuming.
• I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
• I once saw two people wrapped in a barcode and had to ask, “Are you an item?”
• I went to buy camouflage trousers, but I couldn’t find any.
• I, for one, like Roman numerals.
• My husband and I were happy for 20 years. And then we met.
• My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
• What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted.• What happens to an illegally parked frog? It gets toad away.
Pro tip: one-liners can also be used even in the most casual conversations and they often go the way we want it. But when everything is coming your way — you’re in the wrong lane. 🤪