6 Hidden Traits of People Around You Who Act Like 'Really Good People' but Actually Manipulate You Subtly
There are terms in relationships that we don't quite grasp. With concepts like love bombing and ghosting, everything becomes muddled. No sooner have we learned the names of these phenomena than we forget what they mean. One such term is gaslighting, a type of manipulation technique.
Gaslighting is so insidious that it's incredibly difficult to realize when someone is employing it against you. This is precisely why the person doing it is able to achieve their goals before you even notice what's happening. For instance, you might think of someone as an 'angel' and offer them assistance, even taking on some of their responsibilities. However, this is exactly what they want from you.
These are the hidden traits of those 'very good' people who seem angelic from the outside but subtly shape you according to their desires.
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Somehow, they always end up being the victims.
Imagine meeting someone new. The conversation steers towards ex-partners and naturally, both of you start to vent about your past relationships. However, it seems like the person in front of you has always had it worse. Their ex-partner, their former boss, even their previous landlord has wronged them. Everyone in their life is a villain, driven by jealousy.
What do they gain by portraying themselves this way?
Actually, it's a rather cunning scheme. By making you feel sorry for them, they trigger your protective instincts. As a result, you find it impossible to say no to them, and should a conflict arise between you two, you automatically assume you're the one to blame. Initially, they ask for things that don't seem too demanding. But gradually, their requests branch out and multiply. By the time you realize what's happening, they've already manipulated you into doing their bidding.
Acts of kindness are like promissory notes.
People who manipulate with ease are often not immediately recognizable. They continually do you favors, leading you to inevitably think, 'What a kind-hearted person'. They rush to your aid without being asked, understanding your needs... However, they never forget these acts of kindness.
When a minor dispute arises or you withhold something from them, you're confronted with the phrase, 'After all I've done for you, is this how you repay me?' Their good deeds are an investment to keep you indebted and compliant. Even if you didn't ask for their kindness, you find yourself feeling obligated to this person.
For instance, the person who introduced you to everyone and showed you around on your first day at work could actually be manipulative. There might be ongoing disputes at the workplace that you're unaware of, and they have already taken the necessary steps to pull you onto their side.
They are famous for their backhanded compliments.
Manipulative individuals never fall short of words of praise. Your physique, your attire, your earnings, your partner... They pay attention to every detail and never hesitate to compliment you. However, they walk a very fine line with these compliments. They have a knack for leaving you feeling uneasy, even while they're praising you.
For instance, imagine you're wearing a dress that you believe suits you perfectly. The person in front of you might say something like, 'I adore your courage to wear this dress.' Their underlying aim, however, is to subtly undermine your confidence and make you dependent on them.
It makes you doubt yourself.
When you express that you've been hurt, they never take responsibility. They spin the situation in such a way that, in the end, you're the one who comes off as overly sensitive, paranoid, or unjust. Convincing these individuals that they've hurt you can be quite challenging. You'll often hear phrases like 'I didn't say that, you misunderstood,' or 'You're too sensitive, can't even take a joke,' from them.
Their underlying motive is quite insidious. By making you doubt your own perception, they manipulate you into apologizing, even in situations where you are in the right.
"Criticizes for your own good."
There's a saying that goes, 'A true friend speaks harsh truths,' which you might be familiar with. In my opinion, this phrase must have been coined by an excessively manipulative person. Why, you ask?
Manipulative individuals often feel entitled to make the most ruthless criticisms about your life, your weight, your partner, or your career. They belittle you with comments like, 'You're still not done with school... You've been working at the same place for years and still haven't moved up...' And in the end, they wrap it up by saying, 'Well, a true friend speaks harsh truths, darling.'
Their objective here is to make you feel inadequate under the guise of honesty. Remember, a person who truly loves you will offer constructive criticism. They would want you to improve in areas where you're lacking. A manipulative person, on the other hand, belittles you to elevate their own position.
He utilizes the feeling of guilt.
'Do you mind if I go? You won't be bored without me, right?' 'How are things with your new friends?'
Do these sentences ring a bell? A manipulative person doesn't directly tell you what to do. For instance, our mothers' classic line, 'I guess I'll just go buy the bread myself,' serves as a perfect example. Who can possibly continue lounging after hearing that?
Your friends or partner might be using similar tactics to influence you. Even if you end up going where you initially wanted, the experience might leave a sour taste in your mouth. Instead of directly expressing their desires, they make you feel guilty, leading you to do what they want on your own accord.
Editor's Note
While discussing manipulative individuals, various people came to mind. Some were old high school friends, some were former colleagues, and some are still present in my life. Reflecting on the time I spent with these individuals, I realized that deep down, I always felt guilty, insecure, and like a bad person. But shouldn't spending time with our loved ones make us feel good and boost our energy?
If you find yourself constantly questioning your actions, feeling guilty, and emotionally drained after spending time with someone you describe to others as 'great,' you might be being manipulated.
It's time to reassess your life and your surroundings.
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