Signs That You Have a Strong Character, According to a Harvard Psychologist
You may find yourself feeling weak from time to time. It can be incredibly challenging to remain emotionally strong when faced with a difficult situation or under stressful circumstances. But what about during 'normal' times? You might have noticed that some individuals seem to possess a stronger psychology than others, displaying resilience that doesn't easily crumble.
Dr. Cortney Warren, a clinical psychologist who specialized in human relationships and a graduate of Harvard Medical School, penned down nine expressions used by individuals with strong characters.
Let's see how many of these expressions you use?
Source: Dr. Cortney Warren
"Let me ponder on this before I respond."
Dr. Cortney Warren opens her article with the statement, 'Those who are emotionally secure are strong, confident, and at peace with themselves.' These individuals exude a sense of security towards the world. According to Warren, the underpinning of this posture is self-confidence, which means not seeking approval from others. Of course, reaching this point takes some time.
The first mantra of emotionally strong people is: 'Let me think about this before I respond.'
So, what does this statement imply?
One of the most prominent traits of emotionally secure individuals is their ability to articulate themselves well. They choose their responses carefully and do not act impulsively. They are aware when they are upset and do not let their anger dictate their actions. They understand that sudden anger can harm both themselves and those around them. When emotionally strong people feel overwhelmed, or when they wish to be alone, they express this need and ask for time from the person they are interacting with. They know that spending some quiet time will be beneficial for them, and during this period, they will be able to make sense of their feelings and express themselves better.
'I'm really overwhelmed and need some alone time. I don't want to say something I might regret later.'
'I don't have an answer right now. Can we revisit this topic tomorrow?' are also common phrases you might hear from these individuals.
"No."
That expression which people who are emotionally secure can use with ease: No.
These individuals feel comfortable setting boundaries. They make decisions based on their moral principles, needs, and desires. And of course, they decide what not to do as well. You cannot force them to do something against their will. For instance, if they have different plans for the evening, like going to the gym, you won't be able to persuade them to go out for fun instead. They won't fall for various manipulations either.
'I'm sorry, but I can't assist with this matter due to my numerous responsibilities.'
'Thank you for your offer, but this isn't something I enjoy doing.'
"This situation is bothering me."
Individuals with strong characters always communicate their needs to others in a respectful manner. In other words, they can easily express how they feel when someone treats them poorly. If someone teases them, even in jest, and it bothers them, they opt to speak the truth rather than play along with the joke.
When they feel their boundaries are being violated, they take action to instigate change. They do this by sharing their thoughts and feelings openly, without hurting the other person. At the end of the day, neither an unpleasant situation arises, nor do they find themselves hurt.
'When you say things like that, I feel hurt and angry.'
'If you continue to treat me this way, I will distance myself because it's not healthy for me.'
"I am who I am, and I take pride in that."
The behavior of strong individuals is consistent, which makes being around them predictable and secure. If they have something negative to think about you, they will tell you outright. In other words, they won't badmouth you behind your back and smile at you upfront. Their friends and loved ones know they are as they appear to be. People who are self-confident don't feel the need to talk behind others' backs. Therefore, it's easy and safe to be friends with these individuals.
'What you see is what you get.'
'You may not like this trait of mine, but I have no issue with it.'
"Is that so?"
Individuals who are emotionally secure can evaluate criticism without responding with anger. They do not take negative feedback personally. They don't dwell on criticisms, blow things out of proportion, or see themselves in a negative light from all angles. Instead, they view the criticisms they receive as opportunities for self-improvement. Consequently, they are open to renewal and growth in every aspect.
'I wasn't aware that I was doing this so frequently. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.'
"I'll get to work on this."
In relationships, individuals who feel emotionally secure strive to change when necessary. They understand that taking action is the key to personal growth and strengthening bonds. For instance, a person with an irritable disposition, upon realizing their unnecessary anger, will try to change themselves rather than seeking valid reasons for their anger. Here, the concept of empathy comes into play. These individuals are aware that their actions affect not only themselves but also the person they are interacting with.
'I understand that this matters to you, so I'll try to be more understanding when we converse.'
'I'm not very good at being patient. I'll try to learn to be less insistent.'
"How may I assist you?"
In a similar vein to the above point, the empathetic and non-judgmental nature of emotionally strong individuals in relationships makes them exceptional supporters. Moreover, they understand that someone having a bad day isn't a reflection on them. Consequently, you can trust this person in your interpersonal relationships, and comfortably lean on them when you're feeling worn out.
'You seem upset, and I want to help you.'
'I see that this is tough for you, but know that my support is with you.'
"This matters to me."
Possessing a robust belief system is the key to emotional security as it guides our choices. When a value is violated, individuals who are emotionally secure can stand up for what they believe to be moral and just.
'I believe you're acting unethically. I don't think this is right.'
"I'll give it a shot!"
Individuals who are emotionally secure have cultivated an innate sense of assurance that they will be fine, even if a new endeavor turns out to be a failure. This allows them to venture into trying new things, be it hobbies, friendships, travels, or even personal coping strategies. Consequently, they never descend into a mentality of 'life is over'. They are adept at rising from the ashes, much like the mythical phoenix in fairy tales.
'I'll give this a shot next time.'
'I might not be good at this, but I'm ready to give it a whirl.'
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