The Psychological Struggles Well-Behaved Children Face When They Grow Up!
'Good heavens, such a well-behaved child that their presence and absence are one and the same...' If you heard these words as a child, you probably took them as a compliment and felt proud of yourself. Your parents would affirm, 'Indeed, they never upset us,' expressing their satisfaction with you.
But where are those children who were once praised to the high heavens?
Most likely, they're in a state of not knowing what they want from life, having taken on everyone's responsibilities because they couldn't set their own boundaries, and failing to establish healthy relationships.
Pedagogues and psychologists often warn about certain psychological issues that emerge in adulthood as a result of being 'overly compliant and well-behaved' in childhood. Let's see if any of these points ring a bell for you?
You are afflicted with the inability to say "no".
If you find yourself unable to say 'no' to people at work, in your relationships, or even within your family, and instead tend to fulfill their desires over your own, don't blame yourself. This is because, as a child, you were taught that the path to love and approval was to 'bend over backwards and avoid causing trouble.' For instance, you never tampered with your toys out of curiosity, you played with them properly, you never made a mess, perhaps you never even fell down out of fear of your parents. In return, you felt loved. If I do something they don't want, they won't love me. So, I'll just do what they want and make myself lovable.
As an adult, this mindset leads you to say 'yes' to every request from your friends, lover, or boss, even if you don't want to. Setting your own boundaries feels as if you're committing a crime.
Moreover, fear of making mistakes can also turn you into a perfectionist in adulthood. In your work life or relationships, the slightest failure or criticism can lead to you being overly hard on yourself.
"It doesn't matter" is one of your most frequently used responses.
'Can't decide what to eat today?' If you're the one who often responds with 'Whatever you want,' then it's probably you we're talking about. From an early age, you've been conditioned to act according to the expectations of others (your parents, teachers), which makes it difficult to distinguish what you truly want or enjoy as you grow older. You live your life in accordance with the desires of others, and over time, you become estranged from yourself because you either don't know or don't express your own desires.
You know what happens next?
No matter where you go, you can't seem to find happiness.
You may experience bouts of concealed anger.
'Good children' don't cry, lose their temper, or cause a scene. Even when they're upset about something, they keep it under wraps... Consequently, parents often marvel at how well-behaved their children are.
However, every bit of 'healthy' anger that is suppressed during that time, not allowed to surface, accumulates in adulthood. The outcome?
Adults who fly off the handle at the slightest provocation, who have fits of rage when there's no serious issue at hand, who are constantly shouting.
Moreover, if their parents witness these episodes, they say, 'You weren't like this as a child, you've changed so much.' :)
You might feel compelled to wear a strong mask.
As children, those who made themselves invisible to alleviate the burden on their family, perceive taking up space in the world, asking for help, or sharing their troubles as being a 'burden' to others even into adulthood. Consequently, they struggle to express their desires or live according to their own perspectives.
Upon reaching adulthood, these well-behaved children don a powerful mask. There's a belief that if you reveal the vulnerable, sad, or angry parts of yourself, people will abandon you. As a result, you always wear the mask of the 'strong, problem-free, always in control' person in relationships. However, this mask hinders the formation of a genuine and deep connection with your partner; you feel alone even when surrounded by people.
Now that you're grown up, it's time to step out of the well-behaved child mold. Stirring up trouble, raising your voice, saying 'No', and sometimes just thinking about yourself are your most natural rights.
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