11 Signs That Kings Are Not Very Sane People

Monarchy is a crazy idea, but only medieval kings can take this madness
to another level with the things they do:

1. Using your daughter’s mariage as a political leverage

As a king, you must be civilized enough to ask your daughter about her preferences or if she is seeing someone already. But no, of course you have to choose the strongest candidate that would serve to your interests! Maybe she is more into romanticism than power? Maybe she wants someone who would write her poems or make her smile? Why choose some savage that wouldn't hesitate to remove his enemies’ eyes? Well done king, well done!

2. Employing Jesters

Well, you are the king and your job is hard. –Actually, you’ve got bunch of other people doing all the job but let’s admit it’s still stressful. But, isn’t there any other way to overcome this stress than hiring some fool, watching his clowning all day and publicly humiliating him? The worst part is that you especially choose midgets as if dwarfism –which is a medical condition- is something to make fun of. What kind of person are you?

3. Being obese and well bearded

Feasts, celebrations, fancy foods… It is totally normal that you are overweight. Why bother shaving when you are the king? No one can make any negative comment on your look anyway. You can just hang around all day with your huge belly and dirty look.  I am not sure though if you could find a job today.

4. Living in a Château

Just because you are the king, you get to live in a 500+ room house right? Who cares about its keeping, maintenance, heating, illumination? If necessary, all your “subjects” will starve to keep your castle warm and nice. People live in shanty, thatched houses but you can’t waive your privilege to keep your place, right? Of course they must be built on the farthest, highest and the most difficult lands, so more people could die building it.

5. Not having any table manners

A real king should have all the dirt and grease dripping from his mouth onto all over his beard as he feasts; so people who don’t know him could tell “this guy must be the king on this table”

Is there one single king who could eat like a proper human being for god’s sake? Do pork chops need to be scrubbed by your beards as you lough your food out, to be titled as king? You really make me sick!

6. Wearing at least 50 pounds of clothes

A real king must spend at least 2 hours dressing up and another 3 hours taking them off every day. Adding the armors and all the other gadgets & accessories, there is no way he can go outside with less than 50 extra pound on his body.

7. Being ill-mannered

You are great and glorious; of course you should have some moods or spoiled behaviors. Why calling it “ill-mannered”?

8. Pursuing sexual desires, as if there is no tomorrow

Being responsible of thousand people, challenged by endless wars, fights for the throne, you have million different trouble man! It is your God-given right to have sex as much as you want for relaxation! Go-ahead buddy!

9. Fire-up soldiers on the battlefield, then watch them die over a hill

Motivated and mobilized by your words, poor soldiers have to die for your desires. Who is the winner in history books? Of course you!

10. Being incredibly creative at finding ways to kill people

Impaling, throwing before hungry predators or gladiators and all the other ways of chopping, ripping, slashing, slaying… Instead of trying to find more and more creative ways of killing, why can’t you think more towards “live and let live”?

11. First spoiling your children, then having them murdered

Sounds like you bro.

There are some real kings though...

But they are fictional

And today’s kings...

Poor guy, seems like he will never get the chance to be a king. He just keeps hanging around

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