Psychologists Say You Can Make Yourself Fall In And Out Of Love! Here’s How

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At least once in our lives, we feel like our feelings are ruling our lives, especially that soul-shattering feeling that there’s no escape from, love. When everything is OK, it’s great to be in love, but you know what I’m talking about: Everything turns gray once you lose it. And it feels like it’s completely out of your control. Well, scientists disagree. Apparently, you can make yourself fall in and out of love. Here’s how.

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It turns out that love is not that uncontrollable after all...

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Studies show that it is possible to manage our emotions using behavioral and cognitive techniques.

The results indicate that it might be pointless for us to suffer after a heartbreaking break up. Actually, we don’t have to.

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Researchers call this “love regulation.” They say that techniques of love regulation could help us “boost passion if feelings of love decline, say, in long-term relationships, or post-heartbreak, to douse our feelings and swipe right into new romantic prospects.”

The researchers, Sandra Langeslag from the University of Missouri-St. Louis and Jan van Strien from Erasmus University Rotterdam, examined 40 participants.

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The study was the first of its kind. Each participant brought 30 photos of their current or former partner — half of the participants were in a relationship, while half had recently been through a breakup — and were instructed to try to regulate their love feelings by using the technique of “reappraisal.”

They were shown a slideshow of these images, each time on a positive aspect of their beloved for “up-regulation,” or a negative aspect for “down-regulation.”

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Results were very interesting. Participants did actually feel more love after up-regulation, and less love after down-regulation.

Moreover, brainwave measurements were done on the participants and it was proved that results were not illusionary.

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“The idea that we can regulate love makes a lot of sense because we can regulate every other emotion,” says Dr. Holly Parker, a lecturer in psychology at Harvard University, “we can dramatically change how we see something, how we see someone, based on how we frame our perspective.”

In other words, we can actually modify our own emotions.

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Despite this study being one of a kind, the idea is not new. There have been several psychologists who thought that our mind may be able to control certain emotions.

Many psychologists refer to love not so much as an emotion itself, but instead a “motivational state to a variety of emotions such as happiness, or perhaps jealousy.”

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Love is obviously not a “pure” or “basic” emotion, says James Gross. “I think we can be pretty confident that there’s something moving around,” he says, “but we can’t yet be sure that it’s really love.”

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