21 Historical Facts About Sex Showing 50 Shades Of Grey Was Just A Walk In The Park!

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We like to think that history, for the most part, was populated by prudes who had sex through holes in their bedsheets. Sure, there was some kinky shit going on in Rome, but really it was all just stuffy people wearing uncomfortable dresses and monocles, being all philosophical and smart, right? Well, not quite. According to the post on cracked.com, there were so many nasty things going on.

Source: http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_1778_...

21. Do you think the birth control pill is a modern invention?

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Diaphragms and other barrier devices have been around since ancient Egypt. And the ancient Romans used herbs for birth control that have been proven to be effective nearly 100% of the time. We don't have the herb now because the Romans used it so much they drove it into extinction.

20. In 1732, a Scottish Gentlemen's Club was probably all bagpipes and smoking pipes.

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No! It was masturbation central. Members of the most ancient and most puissant order of the Beggar's Benison and Maryland would drink out of penis-shaped glass, and circle-jerk onto a silver platter engraved with male and female sexy bits.

19. You might think of Victorians as repressed and sexless.

Actually, Victorian-era writers produced tons of porn. And we're not talking about novels either. We're talking incest, rape, pedophilia, orgies, BDSM- your basic raunch-fest. And queen Victoria herself, for whom the era was named, was extremely fond of sex.

18. 19th century doctors treated a lot of women for hysteria.

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They would treat it by giving them a handle. The symptoms of ''hysteria'' were moodiness, nervousness, irritability, and a ''tendency to cause trouble.'' The cure? Doctor hand induced orgasm. Their tired hands led to the invention of the vibrator.

17. You probably picture women in the late 1700s wearing ornate, modest gowns.

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It was more like a wet t-shirt contest. Women in Paris called merveilleuse wore dresses so sheer that their nude bodies were clearly visible, and women in England followed their lead. Some women even wet their dresses to make them sheerer and clingier, which led to an outbreak of tuberculosis.

16. You probably think of Puritans as being prudish about sex.

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Up to a third of Puritan women were pregnant at their weddings. And that enthusiasm for sex carried over into marriage. Sexual satisfaction was considered a religious duty, and if a man was unable to please his wife in the bedroom, it was grounds for divorce.

15. You probably know Shakespeare wrote some adult humor.

But you might have missed the C word. In the Twelfth Night, Malvolio says, ''these be her ver C's her U's, and her T's, and thus make she her great P's.'' When the line is spoken, it's clearly understood as this is her C-U-N-T, from which she makes pee.

14. Do you think England in the 1800s was all formal dances and coy repartee?

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There was actually a ton of extramarital sex going on. And it went right to the top. Only one of Mad King George's 13 children was legally married, yet he had at least 19 and possibly as many as 56 illegitimate grandchildren.

13. In 1501, Pope Alexander VI held the banquet of chestnuts.

The chestnuts were being collected by 50 naked hookers. But picking up chestnuts off the floor wasn't the evening's only nut-related activity. Trained observers were present to keep track of the total number and quality of the party-goers' ejaculations.

12. Mozart was a musical genius with 600 masterpieces to his name.

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And two of his songs were about ass licking.

11. Ancient Peruvian cultures had a flair for pottery.

Click to see.
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Really perverted pottery. Their pinch pots are a veritable Kama Sutra, with graphic depictions of anal sex, oral sex, masturbation, huge erect penises and vulvas, and what appear to be acts of bestiality and necrophilia.

10. The real Lawrence of Arabia was a statesman, a war hero, and a talented author.

One of the things he wrote about was how he liked being beaten. Lawrence would pay a man to beat him, and take careful notes. His autobiographical book, The Seven Pillars of Wisdom, contains a graphic scene in which he's captured by the Turks and then brutally raped. Scholars think that scene might have been fantasy.

9. Ancient Romans loved to decorate with a good luck charm called a ''fascinus.''

Click to see.
upload.wikimedia.org

It was a dick with wings. The winged dongs were symbols of protection against evil, so the Romans hung them everywhere- above doorways, on walls in marketplaces, on wind chimes - wherever demonic entities might have emerged.

8. In 1904, Britain and France signed the Entente Cordiale, ending 1000 years of animosity.

And all because Edward VII liked French prostitutes. A particular French brothel built a special chair to support his bulk while he had sex with several women at a time.

7. For 4 centuries, anyone entering Milan had to walk beneath the Porta Rosa.

www.portatosa.it

It's a bas-relief of a woman shaving her pubic hair. Numerous stories speculate as to the meaning of the porta, ranging from an insult directed at Constantinople to the heroic depiction of a woman who startled oncoming soldiers into retreating.

6. Sir Richard Francis Burton was an adventurer on par with Indiana Jones.

He also brought the Kama Sutra to Britain. In addition, to swashbuckling his way through Asia and Africa making discoveries and studying the cultures, he also studied a lot of sex. In addition to translating the now-iconic sex and relationships guide, he also created a sexed-up translation of The Arabian Nights.

5. Albert Einstein is the most famous scientist on the planet.

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He was also a huge horndog. Even though he was married twice (once to his cousin), he cheated on both of his wives with about 10 different women. In his defense, he presented his first wife with a list of rules, one of which was ''expect neither intimacy nor fidelity.''

4. James Joyce's "Ulysses" is considered the epitome of modernist literature.

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His letters to his wife were the epitome of fart fetishism.

3. The Congress of Vienna was an important gathering of European leaders.

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There was also so much sex. The conference was a nine-month summit in 1814, upon the fall of Napoleon's first empire. Leaders determined Europe's future by getting drunk and embarking on sexual shenanigans including turning inns into what locals described as ''fucking-shops.''

2. William Dickson is the inventor of the motion picture camera.

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And he invented the porno flick.

Dickson used a Mutoscope to create a moving picture set called What the Butler Saw. His nude reel became so popular that Mutoscopes are colloquially known as ''What the Butler Saw'' machines.

1. The Bible is a sacred text full of chaste lessons and piety.

There's a lot of freaky sex. Lot's daughter seduced their own father. Jacob sleeps with two sisters and their handmaid. Judah has sex with his daughter-in-law. And "Song of Solomon" is a book-long treatise about how much he likes breasts.

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