14 Of The Most Ridiculous And Infuriating Things That Happen In Every Porno!

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Can you recall any porn movie that you said, "Wow, they really acted that part well," or "that was a moving story." after watching? We don’t think so. People watch movies because they want a good story, and they watch porn to see people have sex. But wouldn’t it be nice to mix the two? Because everyone is just sick and tired of the pizza guy delivering his extra large sausage, and that plumber guy. And here are 14 other infuriating things that happen in every porno.

1. That good old plumber scenario... No one watches porn for groundbreaking narratives but a little exposition wouldn't hurt.

2. Not all lesbians scissor. Actually, very few of them do. Lesbian sex is a lot more than that.

3. Those goddamn soundtracks... The music is so cringeworthy that all we can see is a strong 1970's porno moustache eating a taco.

4. The pizza delivery guy shows up but no one eats the pizza. Like, ever.

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5. Straight porn is made with the male gaze in mind, but what about the female gaze?

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Most of the porn seems to be made up largely of shots where the woman takes up 80% of the frame and 95% of the audio (which tends to be obnoxious moans of fake pleasure), while the guy is just a disembodied crotch.

6. It usually goes from 0-100 real quick.

Like some guy is late for work and it just fades into him shoving his balls down his throat with a nine incher in his booty butt hole. Like? What happened?

7. Back. The. F*ck. Up.

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We don't know if those cameramen are trying to win a cinematography award, but we're sure most people watch porn to see two people (or more) f*ck. So, maybe zoom out a little?

8. Those FAKE AF noises.

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Dudes that sound like they're taking a massive dump when they're either receiving oral or cumming and women who sound like they're having the best orgasm ever from giving oral...

9. The rebound sex.

How a gay guy comforts his straight friend who just broke up with his gf, and five seconds later they're bareback fucking with vegetable oil and the flat end of a paddle.

10. When actors look at the camera. Why?

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Don't worry about us, just pay attention to what you're doing.

11. The commentary.

"Yes, daddy ooh yeah f*ck this pussy." Literally, nobody talks like that, please shut the entire f*ck up.

12. When they take it out of the butt and put it somewhere else.

We don't care how well you douched it is unhygienic and you are asking for a bacterial infection. Yes, it happens in porn. But really, truly... that's not how it works.

13. Guys ALWAYS get a blowjob first.

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14. "Unrealistic" anal expectations. That's pretty much all we can say about it.

And, what about the aftermath?

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It would be more realistic if everyone turned on Netflix and ordered a pizza after.

Whatever... 🙄😒

www.unrealitytv.co.uk

Source: BuzzFeed

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