10 Things We're Afraid To Ask But Must Know About Our Sexual Life

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There's no end to questions about sex. But sex is seen as taboo in many nations and/or families, so our knowledge on it is really not that much. Instead of learning about them the hard way, learning them now is much better. We put together 10 pieces of information about sex that we believe everyone must know.

1. How important is protection?

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Knowing about condoms and birth control pills won’t help you if you’re in the heat of passion with someone else, especially if you’re both partially or fully undressed. Contraception isn’t difficult but it takes some planning. The most reliable methods of preventing pregnancy require a visit to a doctor or clinic. Others necessitate at least a trip to the drugstore. Even if you guard against pregnancy, you could catch a sexually transmitted disease. In fact, some contraceptive methods don’t offer any protection against STDs. The condom is really the only method of birth control that also offers protection against disease, but it’s not the most effective method of birth control. So you may have to use two types of contraceptive to maximize both effects.

2. How can I prevent myself from having STDs?

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To prevent getting a sexually transmitted disease, or STD, always avoid sex with anyone who has genital sores, a rash, discharge, or other symptoms. The only time unprotected sex is safe is if you and your partner have sex only with each other and if it's been at least six months since you each tested negative for STDs. Otherwise, you should:

  • Use latex condoms every time you have sex. If you use a lubricant, make sure it's water-based. Use condoms for the entire sex act. Condoms are not 100% effective at preventing disease or pregnancy. However, they are extremely effective if used properly. Learn how to use condoms correctly.

  • Avoid sharing towels or underclothing.

  • Wash before and after intercourse.

  • Get a vaccination for hepatitis B. This is a series of three shots.

  • Get tested for HIV.

  • If you have a problem with drug or alcohol abuse, get help. People who are drunk or on drugs often fail to have safe sex.

  • Consider that not having sex is the only sure way to prevent STDs.

It was once thought that using condoms with nonoxynol-9 helped to prevent STDs by killing the organisms that can cause disease. New research shows that doing so also irritates a woman's vagina and cervix and may increase the risk of an STD infection. Current recommendations are to avoid using condoms with nonoxynol-9.

3. Is it normal if sex decreases after marriage?

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Of course, there are real and important reasons why couples stop having sex, often temporarily: after the birth of a baby while caring for aging or sick parents, acute job stress, or a diagnosis or treatment for cancer or another condition—anything that throws you off your rhythm. And that’s totally normal and should be expected. But when it continues to just not happen, and you find yourself looking for excuses to rationalize it rather than make a change, then it’s an issue you must face or risk damaging your marriage. And barring physical or medical causes, a sexless married life signals deep issues brewing.

4. Should I be worried about my habit of watching porn?

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Try to imagine the situation if it wasn't porn, but something else, like hanging out with friends. If your partner was doing that to the point that you felt left out, wouldn’t you talk to them about that? Porn should be no different.

Also, it's important to take some time to consider your own feelings about porn. Is it something you are interested in at all? If you are you may just need some tips on choosing the right porn. If you are not interested in making porn a part of your sexual relationship, are you OK with your partner still watching it sometimes? If it feels absolutely wrong to you, can you explain why to your partner?

You need to also talk to your partner without judgment. Can you ask what they like about porn? Is it the fantasy? Are there things they see that they want the two of you to try? Is it boredom or habit? Is it an escape?

If you can honestly (and again, without judgment) share with each other your feelings about porn and porn watching, you may find this sexual worry goes away. Or you may also reach an impasse and not know where to take it.

Sexuality is so complicated and it goes so deep, that it is unlikely we will ever share all our partners’ sexual interests. To some extent, being in a relationship is about compromise, and this may be a time when one or both of you will have to meet somewhere in the middle.

5. Why does sexual intercourse hurt?

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Many women suffer sexual pain, chronic genital pain independent of lovemaking, and/or pain during sex. The landmark “Sex In America” survey estimates that sexual pain afflicts 20 percent of American women—15 percent before menopause, and 33 percent after.

Until recently, many doctors dismissed women’s genital pain (dyspareunia or vulvodynia) as “neurotic,” which left them doubly wounded—in pain and put down. Some men don’t believe women’s complaints of sexual pain. A few even believe that sex should hurt women. Wrong.

Pain is a mind-body experience with physical and emotional components. Stress, anxiety, and depression aggravate pain. It’s important to identify both the physical and psychological components because each responds to different treatments. If one component resists treatment, it may help to treat the other.

6. Is it dangerous to have sex during pregnancy?

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As long as your pregnancy is proceeding normally, you can have sex as often as you like.

However, hormonal fluctuations, fatigue, nausea and breast tenderness early in pregnancy might lower your sexual desire. As your pregnancy progresses, weight gain, back pain, and other symptoms might dampen your enthusiasm for sex.

Your emotions can take a toll on your sex drive, too. Concerns about how pregnancy or the baby will change your relationship with your partner might weigh heavily on your mind — even while you're eagerly anticipating the addition to your family.

Although many couples worry that sex during pregnancy will cause a miscarriage, sex isn't generally a concern. Most miscarriages occur because the fetus isn't developing normally.

7. How can I have an orgasm?

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Many women experience frustration from their inability to feel sensation or sexual pleasure from vaginal-penile intercourse. It is common for women to feel closeness, and fullness, but not the intensity they believe that they "should" be feeling. With a little bit of learning and exploration, you can find ways to enjoy various types of pleasure, intimacy, and even ecstasy.Before we get hot and heavy, remember — a little lesson in anatomy can lead to huge results. A woman's sexual pleasure, and ultimately orgasm, is much more likely to occur from stimulation to the clitoris. The clitoris is highly sensitive and full of nerve endings. In fact, there are as many nerve endings in the tip of the clitoris as there are in a man's penis! Many of the clitoral nerve endings are subterranean, or below the surface; the visible part of the clitoris is just the tip of the iceberg. However, even “in hiding,” those 6,000 to 8,000 sensory nerve endings can be a mega source of incredible pleasure for many women. Generally speaking, touching or pressing the clitoris, directly or indirectly, during intercourse will increase a woman's potential to orgasm. Otherwise, it's like trying to get somewhere in an elevator without pressing the button.

8. Does size really matter?

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Men clearly have an obsession with the size of their junk. But just how important is it actually?

According to a new study by researchers at the Australian National University, Monash University, and La Trobe University, the size of your penis is indeed important to women, but only in the context of your overall masculinity, including your height and torso size. Contrary to popular belief, the size of your junk isn’t the only thing women care about. Instead, it's the combination of attractive body parts that ladies are after.

In the study, women were shown a selection of 53 different CGI models of nude male bodies and were asked to rate them in attractiveness on a 7-point scale. As expected, the figures with the larger-sized members were rated higher compared to those with, uh less robust genitals, and figures that possessed the holy trinity of substantial height, broad shoulders, and a big penis (a.k.a. Greek God status) were rated the highest.

9. Why do I have problems ejaculating?

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Delayed ejaculation (DE) is a common medical condition. Also called “impaired ejaculation,” this condition occurs when it takes a prolonged period of sexual stimulation for a man to ejaculate. In some cases, ejaculation cannot be achieved at all. Most men experience DE from time to time, but for others, it may be a lifelong problem.

While this condition does not pose any serious medical risks, it can be a source of stress and may create problems in your sex life and personal relationships. However, treatments are available.

10. Why do I ejaculate early?

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Premature ejaculation is the most common ejaculation problem. It's where the male ejaculates too quickly during sexual intercourse.

A study looking at 500 couples from five different countries found the average time it takes to ejaculate during intercourse was around five-and-a-half minutes. However, it's up to each couple to decide if they’re happy with the time taken – there’s no definition of how long sex should last.

Occasional episodes of premature ejaculation are common and aren't a cause for concern. However, if you're finding that around half of your attempts at sex result in premature ejaculation, it might help to get treatment.Causes of premature ejaculation 

Various psychological and physical factors can cause a man to suddenly experience premature ejaculation.

Common physical causes include:

  • prostate problems

  • thyroid problems – an overactive or underactive thyroid gland  

  • using recreational drugs

Common psychological causes include:

  • depression 

  • stress 

  • relationship problems

  • anxiety about sexual performance (particularly at the start of a new relationship, or when a man has had previous problems with sexual performance)

It's possible but less common, for a man to have always experienced premature ejaculation since becoming sexually active. A number of possible causes for this are:

  • Conditioning – it's possible that early sexual experiences can influence future sexual behavior. For example, if a teenager conditions himself to ejaculate quickly to avoid being caught masturbating, it may later be difficult to break the habit.

  • A traumatic sexual experience from childhood – this can range from being caught masturbating to sexual abuse.

  • A strict upbringing and beliefs about sex.

  • Biological reasons – some men may find their penis is extra sensitive.

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